Single Men Don't Grocery Shop

I think it’s time to reestablish rules for dating profiles online

1: Unless you are in the picture. I really don’t care to see either scenery or your pet(s)

2: If you are overweight or uncomfortable with your body, get over it and stop posting only face shots or long distance pictures with you 100 ft away waving to try to look slim. You aren’t fooling anyone.

3: In conjunction with 2 if you are overweight stop taking cleavage shots to distract us from the reason you have mountains on your chest hiding the continent supporting them.

4: Guys stop sending first emails/messages either saying they are hot without proper English and in the sentence describe all the sexual acts you would like to perform on her right away.

5: Most women really don’t want to see you trying to be a douche bag posting shirtless pictures or after initial contact send a picture of your frank and beans.

6: Not asking for much but seriously, at least learn how to rotate your bloody pictures so I don’t have to. We’ve all seen the Microsoft Windows commercials with a 7 year old who can do it.

7: Old rule but still very valid, post recent pictures and don’t be offended when I can see the dates on them that date back 3 years ago and I ask for a more recent one. Or use your HS senior picture unless you are a high school senior.

8: I am an animal person as much as the next guy but posting pictures of your dressed up pets for holidays and/or just because you are bored; keep it yourself. Freak people out when you personify your pets like that. If they were supposed to wear clothes they would be able to dress themselves.

9: If you don’t want to be judged solely on your looks women, stop posting the bikini shots err wait this isn’t the rule you were looking for all hot women are ok to post those bikini shots.

10: Writing your entire description in caps or alternating caps or using text slang just makes you look stupid.

11: Break the pattern, if you always end up with an asshole or bitch. Then look for someone who isn’t that type. I’m not saying should go out with someone you don’t find attractive but try to at least chat with someone who doesn’t fit within an Abercrombie and Fitch commercial.

11-2: This also applies to when you complain about guys not actually reading through your profile and simply see your pics and hit on you. When a guy actually takes the time to be thoughtful and respond and tries to spark a conversation about your various activities and interests, give the poor guy a chance.

12: Guys don’t lie about your age or height. Why the hell lie about your height? Not really something you can hide once you have met. Or do you really think after meeting you and being charmed by your inept social skills she suddenly won’t care you are on eye level with her chest?
Same goes for age they will find out, again when she sees the 50 year old strolling up who is supposed to be 30 she will just mistake you for your dad and never be heard from again.

13: Guys maybe I have old fashioned values but be a man and pay for the date regardless. Don’t be a douche and either try to con her into paying or try to split the tab.

14: This for both men and women, don’t be rude to people who serve you, instant turn-off.

15. While there are some crazies out there, most of us can handle the truth. If you aren’t interested have the stones to say so and be done with it. That goes for both men and women.