Single Men Don't Grocery Shop

I’ve utilized online dating websites for much longer then I’d like to admit (off and on for 10 years). So most of the tips or advice about navigating online dating, aren’t much more than common sense at least to me, except once in a while I do actually find some tips that useful. Whenever I come across articles I give them a quick read and so when I read a recent one posted on Jezebel.com I thought hey maybe there is some worthwhile advice. Of course once I finished the article, I thought I’m already doing pretty much everything they are recommending.

A couple things that seem pretty obvious to me but apparently not to everyone, things like actually reading through an entire profile before messaging people. This one always seemed like a no brainer; sure I typically look at the woman’s pictures before I read the profile. As much as we would all like to believe otherwise, the person has to be attractive or at least something about them visually that makes them attractive to you. It’s all well and good to read a profile and think wow, this person is exactly the type I’m looking for, then you see the pictures and even with the best personality, if the looks don’t grab you like their description it’s likely it will never go further than the 2 minutes you spent reading about her.

Then there are things like commenting on specific things said in the profile, again to me that’s how I get ideas when writing to someone I know nothing about. I find common interests or a mention that they did something or moved here recently. These are great things to write about to someone you want to meet, showing them that you take the time to try to get to know them and not just send the usual one sentence email “hey you’re hot we should meet”. Here is the funny thing though, you wouldn’t believe how many women will message guys and do exactly what they hate, send a one sentence email saying something to the effect of let’s chat or you’re hot.

For whatever reason, I seem to attractive women that are on the large size, not sure exactly why that is but those are the ones who always message me first. Unfortunately, I’m not attracted to large women, never have been, just not my type. I would say that almost all of them do the one sentence email to me and think just because I’m a guy I will respond to something like that. Granted just like I do when I write to women, I’m putting myself out there and a good chance will get the rejection no response response from women. The difference is I actually take the time to read and write a few paragraphs when I email them. Why do women think that the standard they hold men to when receiving emails shouldn’t also apply to them when writing guys?

The other recommendations on Jezebel go into, not sounding creepy referring to general statements about common interests without actually being specific about what they are. Also things like complimenting them within your message but again you can’t just say they are attractive in whatever verbiage you think won’t sound creepy, it’s more about commenting on their interests and less about focusing on their looks, at least via email.
Then the article goes into things like asking questions about their interests or something else interesting that caught your attention in their profile. Lastly, they go into other obvious areas, at least to me, like being embarrassed about utilizing online dating and about not emailing back and forth for too long, you don’t want to create a false image based on your emails/texts/ims etc..

Granted I think that a lot of the advice they give is good and I’m sure people who haven’t used dating sites in the past will find these tips useful. Unfortunately, I’ve been using sites for way too long and I know majority of the information they put out there on being successful in the online dating scene. My problem is, that I know all this and constantly apply it when I send a message to someone I find interesting and yet most times I don’t get a response or I get the women I’m not attracted to message me. So while it’s all good advice, still does nothing if you still have to play the numbers game on messaging women. I think I average about 1 response out of 20-30 messages sent. So even in cases that you do everything right, you are still wrong for the women you are messaging, at least that’s been my experience.

Here is the link to the article. What do you think, is online dating really worthwhile?

After writing several emails to numerous women hoping to get at least a few responses back, I have to ask is knowing your message is read a good thing? I guess I am questioning it because at times when I go through writing so many messages with actual thought and lend themselves to interaction, that knowing they read it and never responded can be a bit disappointing. Of course knowing that they read and deleted it doesn’t leave you questioning their intentions. With the variety of sites that some offer it while others don’t or they do at a cost, is it really worth knowing. Regardless, I play the numbers and waiting game hoping that my attempt at witty banter and their taste includes bald guys who mostly take not so great pictures.

Sometimes I think it would be nice to have a way to know on some of the sites whether a person has a paid membership but of course that would lower the dating site’s marketing chances enticing people to pay for the membership to see who contacted them.

Stop giving the peace sign in pictures, seriously, you look like an idiot. I am sure when you take the picture you think you look cool and instead you look like:

As you can see they pulled both the stupid looking horizontal peace sign and the duck face!

Then there is the other big stupid pose people do, the makes me want to punch babies in the face when I see it,duck face. Here is a prime example from Miley Cyrus and know that this is the only reason I would look or post a picture of her.

As you can see how stupid people look, don’t be one of those or you will be put on the anti duckface site
Hit the jump for a few more duckface gems.
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I’m a guy and I like to see boobs and cleavage but if you are doing nothing but up close face shots and other pictures with your cleavage or the ever so popular 500 feet away in the picture to look thin, seriously stop, you aren’t fooling anyone.

What they post

Then you are faced with the reality when you meet in person. Then you see the girl in the picture above swallowed by this one.

Lol, I gave in on the free weekend to go through all their process for creating a profile, well let’s be honest recreating an expired profile.  So I get done with all the hoops and find and upload pictures that aren’t awful and my results are:

So much for their great matching, of course here and there I’ve heard they have a religious slant that can kill your chances if you don’t answer a specific way on the religious beliefs questions, but who knows if it’s true or not. All I know is I am not paying them a dime ever.

I think it’s time to reestablish rules for dating profiles online

1: Unless you are in the picture. I really don’t care to see either scenery or your pet(s)

2: If you are overweight or uncomfortable with your body, get over it and stop posting only face shots or long distance pictures with you 100 ft away waving to try to look slim. You aren’t fooling anyone.

3: In conjunction with 2 if you are overweight stop taking cleavage shots to distract us from the reason you have mountains on your chest hiding the continent supporting them.

4: Guys stop sending first emails/messages either saying they are hot without proper English and in the sentence describe all the sexual acts you would like to perform on her right away.

5: Most women really don’t want to see you trying to be a douche bag posting shirtless pictures or after initial contact send a picture of your frank and beans.

6: Not asking for much but seriously, at least learn how to rotate your bloody pictures so I don’t have to. We’ve all seen the Microsoft Windows commercials with a 7 year old who can do it.

7: Old rule but still very valid, post recent pictures and don’t be offended when I can see the dates on them that date back 3 years ago and I ask for a more recent one. Or use your HS senior picture unless you are a high school senior.

8: I am an animal person as much as the next guy but posting pictures of your dressed up pets for holidays and/or just because you are bored; keep it yourself. Freak people out when you personify your pets like that. If they were supposed to wear clothes they would be able to dress themselves.

9: If you don’t want to be judged solely on your looks women, stop posting the bikini shots err wait this isn’t the rule you were looking for all hot women are ok to post those bikini shots.

10: Writing your entire description in caps or alternating caps or using text slang just makes you look stupid.

11: Break the pattern, if you always end up with an asshole or bitch. Then look for someone who isn’t that type. I’m not saying should go out with someone you don’t find attractive but try to at least chat with someone who doesn’t fit within an Abercrombie and Fitch commercial.

11-2: This also applies to when you complain about guys not actually reading through your profile and simply see your pics and hit on you. When a guy actually takes the time to be thoughtful and respond and tries to spark a conversation about your various activities and interests, give the poor guy a chance.

12: Guys don’t lie about your age or height. Why the hell lie about your height? Not really something you can hide once you have met. Or do you really think after meeting you and being charmed by your inept social skills she suddenly won’t care you are on eye level with her chest?
Same goes for age they will find out, again when she sees the 50 year old strolling up who is supposed to be 30 she will just mistake you for your dad and never be heard from again.

13: Guys maybe I have old fashioned values but be a man and pay for the date regardless. Don’t be a douche and either try to con her into paying or try to split the tab.

14: This for both men and women, don’t be rude to people who serve you, instant turn-off.

15. While there are some crazies out there, most of us can handle the truth. If you aren’t interested have the stones to say so and be done with it. That goes for both men and women.